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May 3, 2004 12:01 AM

Broken: Wine cork warning label

Andrew Lyons writes:

This cork comes from a bottle of wine I bought in Florida in 2002. This warning label very clearly warns against letting the cork fly into your eye!


No, it clearly states not to aim your turkey leg at any alien/pacman hybrids.

Posted by: Ben Sinclair at May 3, 2004 10:05 AM

I think it warns against poking yourself in the eye with the bottle (cork attached to it and all). Otherwise the cork would have to be detached.

Posted by: Ublis at May 3, 2004 01:40 PM

It's clear to me this means 'do not open with the cork pointing towards your face'.

Maybe it is broken, given that this isn't clear to everyone...

Posted by: Stan at May 4, 2004 11:01 AM

No, it means "Do not insert phallic symbol into eye. Insert into mouth."

I think there's a lesson there for all of us.

Posted by: Citizen Of Trantor at May 4, 2004 11:42 AM

I know it seems absurd any episode of ABC's "America's Funniest Videos" and you'll quickly see how important this label is in America.

Posted by: Keith at May 5, 2004 10:45 AM

It's quite plain that one should not use this as weapon to fend off invading aliens.

We'll just have to find another way to rid ourselves of crop circles.

Posted by: Mike at May 5, 2004 05:47 PM

I remember hearing some anecdotal evidence that champagne-cork-to-the-eye injuries are the number one class of accidents presenting at the emergency ward over Christmas/New Year's...

Posted by: James at May 6, 2004 11:28 AM

Slightly related (and I simply *must* relate this). I saw a pickup truck with a sturdy metal toolbox mounted behind the driver's compartment. The toolbox's gull-wing type lids carried adhesive warnings to be sure one's face was not above the lids before opening them. I swear this is true!

Posted by: Ricardo at May 13, 2004 09:37 PM

When you've messing around with a bottle of champagne to get the cork off, and it just is not coming off, the instinct is to turn it so that it's facing you...even with that warning, people forget it all the time.

Posted by: June at May 14, 2004 09:27 PM

I think it is telling strange alien-things not to let another strange alien-things' penis poke you in the eye, eye injury may result.

Posted by: somebody special at June 13, 2004 11:40 AM

I think it is saying, "Next time, skip the wine and have a Cafito!"

Posted by: Stanley Bestman at June 19, 2004 10:06 PM

Well - I THINK it simply says "NO", I'm not sure why everyone else thinks it says otherwise. Just putting "NO" makes absolutely NO sense at all, even with the aroused alien and the penis with the large testicular sack.

Posted by: etM at July 14, 2004 08:15 AM

It's saying 'Do not let the person you are fellating shoot you in the eye when the time comes'.(No pun intended on 'comes')

Posted by: Bad Alien! at October 11, 2004 05:20 AM


Posted by: does it really matter? at November 24, 2004 09:28 PM

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Good luck for the future.

Posted by: Tira Joy at November 30, 2004 05:37 AM

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Posted by: Eve at April 21, 2005 06:40 AM

Well I think it signifies, "No, I do not know a damn thing about how to illustrate proper de-cork saftey procedures" and the designer should be fired not for being unable to illustrate this, but for not telling his boss to f'off because people who drink wine should be able to actually READ warnings.

So it goes with the iconifying of everything.


DOH! - (accidentally pokes eye with turkey leg)

Yeah, perhaps we should change know to DOH! I think that's more in keeping with the spirit of the thing.

Posted by: Michael Meiser at May 23, 2005 05:44 PM

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