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February 3, 2006 12:03 AM

Broken: Hand shredder

Handshredder7tzReader Dan Lovy sends in this entry from Fungus Mungus's blog:

For those who want to rid themselves of their useless appendages, I give you...


The only problem is once you've shredded one hand, you can't shred the other one! They need to come out with an automatic hand-shredder.


prevents identity theives from getting their hands on your fingerprints.

Posted by: gmangw at February 3, 2006 12:10 AM

wow good point and not to mention clean up is a breeze u just throw the entire thing out and buy a new 1

Posted by: lol at February 3, 2006 12:19 AM

This is like Barf that was posted a couple of days ago. I think something was lost in translation. The product should probably be called "Hand-Crank Shredder" or "Manual Shredder". Though the former might appeal to drug lords and dealers whose clients don't pay up.

The translation is broken.

Posted by: Confused Shopper at February 3, 2006 12:22 AM

It's rather obvious what they mean.

But it's rather funny.

The translation is broken.

also, it would definately be broken if you shoved your hand through the slot (seeing as the slot is small), especially if your hand was big. :-P

Posted by: john russell at February 3, 2006 12:32 AM

Now I know what happened to Captain Hook's hand, it was not the alligator, it was the birthday present from Peter Pan.

Posted by: Mat-Tris Fluff at February 3, 2006 12:41 AM

This reminds me of a neat advertisig gimick like you see on those late nite info-mercials

Buy Now!! Easy Hand Shredder! No Hand Too Big for this Baby! (No worries here john russell)

Act Now, only two easy monthly payments, only an arm and a leg. Plus if you order now, a free trial rubber appendage and spare blades, ($2 value) Now Dan Lovy you can still remove your perfectly good other hand with the neat new rubber hand that comes with your early order.

Posted by: Mat-Tris Fluff at February 3, 2006 12:55 AM

it could also be like "han-D (handy) shredder"....

just a thought....

Posted by: tito bandito at February 3, 2006 02:24 AM

Also try the Hand Blender:

Posted by: Another Bob at February 3, 2006 09:59 AM

This is being marketed to boost sales at second hand stores around the world. :)

Posted by: Snit at February 3, 2006 11:13 AM

They could rename it "manual shredder" to avoid the confusion, but then somebody would complain that the slot is not big enough for most manuals. Plus if you shredded the manual for the manual shredder, then you would not know how to shred other manuals.

Posted by: me at February 3, 2006 02:28 PM

_@_v - not broken. it's for despots who want to shred hands but don't have a ready power source. you stick your victim's hand in it and crank away...

_@_v - and it's not just for hands. hannibal lector uses it when he wants some shredded feet for breakfast...

Posted by: she-snailie_@_v at February 3, 2006 04:31 PM

I like the shipping comment on the hand blender page: Usually dispatched within 24 hours.

Posted by: Bobbers at February 4, 2006 01:59 PM

Where are the little pictures that most manuals come with, the ones that show you what not to do... like stick your hand in it??

Yes, I can see a late night infomercial hosted by Edward Scissorhands and Christy Brinkly.

Posted by: Poindexter T Quakenfuss at February 4, 2006 08:03 PM

Snit, WOW, that was BAD!!! (but it did make me smile...) And let's not forget about the hand grinder!

Posted by: ambrocked at February 5, 2006 11:50 AM

(sorry- dunno why that didn't paste as a link. just cut and paste.)

Posted by: ambrocked at February 5, 2006 11:52 AM

hey bout that hand blender you will see that the price is 9 whatever-money-over-there-called

but click on link and its 14 thout funny

Posted by: pccowboy at February 7, 2006 01:32 PM

Were can you buy one? my left hand needs to go...

Posted by: Hammerfist0 at February 8, 2006 11:59 AM

Unfortunately this shredder is for right handers. What would I do if I was left handed and wanted to shred my right hand? (I guess you could turn it the other way.) Or how about being right handed and wanting to shred my right hand?

Posted by: at February 8, 2006 12:51 PM

Aw, c'mon. Since "manual" just means "by hand" then the only difference between a "hand shredder" and a "manual shredder" is that the first uses a proper adjectival form and the second uses a noun as a modifier-- which is hardly uncommon in English.

My wife is a creative type and dyes fabric, sometimes with hand dye and sometimes with machine dye. Neither of these products are designed to dye hands or machines (though they do, a bit). Neither is a hand drill designed to drill through hands.

And anyway, who's to say that "hand" meant the human hand here? Perhaps it's designed to shred manual workers, or the indicators of timepieces.

In "Just for fun" I would ignore it; but it's still a pretty lame joke.

Posted by: Simon Trew at February 8, 2006 06:23 PM

I'm starting to get a little grossed out, but I guess it's because of the memory of an incident I had with a lawnmower when I was 19.

Posted by: Lefty at February 9, 2006 12:24 AM

Considering that all of the stickers on the shredder are in Chinese it's no wonder why it seems so funky. It's a new plan to destroy the Western world: make them chop off their left hands!!! (it is really most likely because they use translation software that translates literally)

Posted by: zero??? at February 9, 2006 04:46 PM

By literally I mean, word for word

Posted by: zero??? at February 9, 2006 04:47 PM

Wonder if this has anything to do with this study: Paper Shredders May Hurt Kids' Hands

Posted by: kregger at February 10, 2006 01:19 PM

I love it.

I have one hand, and have been looking for a good way to generate one-handed folks. I am partial to a chop saw, because it is quick, but I will add this to my list.

I worked at a company where another one-armed guy was. He was 2 and ran his hand into a meat grinder at a chinese restaraunt when his uncle turned his back for a minute. I thought that was a pretty good way to do it.

Now, in my case it was aligator feeding - I lie, it was paranahas - fed them once - I lie, it was Jack Daniels and a snow blower - I lie, my folks wanted 1.95 kids - I lie again. Come by my second-hand shop for more off-handed puns.

10 points to the first to figure why my name is "bandit".

One of the broken thing areas are all of the things that require two hands when ther is no reason for them, such as paper towel dispensers ("Grab with both hands and pull down").

Posted by: bandit at April 18, 2006 04:55 PM




Posted by: chris at June 26, 2006 04:18 PM

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