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August 12, 2005 12:08 AM

Broken: Scooter manual

Picture1An anonymous reader writes:

If the product isn't broken, it soon will be if you try to follow the instructions from this scooter manual... this is just one page from it. For example, I'm not sure exactly what "Ress the Humper" means.

[And "Whole Body Fold Situation!" -mh]


I think there's a missing "P" before the "ress"...

Posted by: Alden Bates at August 12, 2005 01:44 AM

"Humper the Nut, Spanner!" Or, is it "Humper, the Nut Spanner?" I dunno what any of this means, but it's the way i read it, and it just sounds bad.

Posted by: ambrocked at August 12, 2005 04:10 AM

Good thing the whole thing was scanned in... If you had only shown #2, and from the bad quality of the picture, I would have sworn that was some body part, and what to do with it...

Posted by: masters at August 12, 2005 04:48 AM

It does sound bad. Probably should have run this by some teenagers first to see if they snicker...

Posted by: Totally MH at August 12, 2005 04:50 AM

Looks like an entry from

Posted by: Joshua Wood at August 12, 2005 06:59 AM

Hmm, maybe they messed up and in translating missed a P before the ress and used a h instead of a b.... which would make that become Press the Bumper.. which could make more sense

Posted by: infinity at August 12, 2005 09:39 AM

Nice one!

Posted by: Ress the Humper at August 12, 2005 10:24 AM


Posted by: Baris the Spader at August 12, 2005 10:42 AM

You mean you don't understand that?

It means to upturn the head of some guy named Ress the Humper.

Posted by: [insert name here] at August 12, 2005 10:43 AM

*snicker* you said hump

Posted by: teenager at August 12, 2005 12:45 PM

"Ress the Humper" huh... I think you do that on a Wednesday.

Posted by: PatheticPeripatetic at August 12, 2005 02:05 PM

Everyone has it all wrong. There should be an "Add" before the "Ress", so it would read: "Address the Humper" .... Hello, Humper.

Posted by: PoopyHeadNinja at August 12, 2005 02:26 PM


1. What on earth is that detail photo of?

2. Why didn't they say so?


3. If you look at it upside down, and squint a little...You see Humper, The Nut, And Spanner.

Posted by: PoopyHeadNinja at August 12, 2005 02:31 PM

I'm starting to think I could make a lot of money translating Engrish directions into English for all the various companies that want to sell their products in America.

Ok, folks, here it is: Send me the instructions/packaging/promotional materials you've already created for your scooters/radios/furniture/bicycles/whatever (must be in some form of English, recognizable or not), and I'll make sure it says what you actually mean in English that an average American can understand. $100 base + $20 for each minor correction, $40 for each major correction, $80 for each required complete rewrite, and $500 each time it just plain doesn't make sense and I have to sit down with the product and figure the directions out for myself.

Any takers?

Posted by: Hoki at August 12, 2005 02:32 PM


I think these are instructions on how to fold the handlebars down on the scooter, however I agree that the terminology is unclear, to say the least.

Posted by: Sean P at August 12, 2005 03:17 PM


Here, Hoki. You translate, we pay.

[real instructions for a sticky hand i got from an arcade]

1. What use does this handgrip have?

2. The handlebar must connect with the hole of.

3. It will be cling on the floor or the wall if you shake down them.

4. It's not out of shape with spin out them.

5. You can washing them if them is very duty.

WARNING: Chocking hanard. Toy not meant for children below three years.


How much do i owe you?

Posted by: Bob at August 12, 2005 03:22 PM

Also I would say that picture#1 "Whole body(fold situation)" means that it is a picture of the whole body with the handlebars folded, also the other pictures appear to be details of the pivot point.

I was in industrial mechanics before going into electricity. :)

Posted by: Sean P at August 12, 2005 03:25 PM

"My name is Ress. Ress the Humper. I design and arrange humps..."

Posted by: Danimal at August 12, 2005 04:20 PM

This is off-topic, but I have seen some people posting about a problem seeing the full-sized images on this site..

If you sometimes see garbage characters instead of a picture when you click the thumbnail, and you are using Internet Exploder, try clearing your browser cache.

Posted by: Sashazur at August 12, 2005 04:42 PM


It'll start at the $500 for "sit down with the product and figure the directions out for myself" and go up from there. Care to send it to me?

Heh, this is working out better than I thought already.... ;-D

(Dare I ask what a "sticky hand" is?)

Posted by: Hoki at August 12, 2005 11:06 PM

A sticky hand is this toy hand that sticks to things like walls, people, windows, etc.

Posted by: Fayth at August 12, 2005 11:10 PM

You know, those jelly hand things that you swing around and they stick to glass and stuff.

Posted by: Bob at August 13, 2005 07:51 AM

Oh sorry, Fayth. i guess i completely ignored you post.

Posted by: Bob at August 13, 2005 01:33 PM

who knows

Posted by: maryUm at August 13, 2005 05:06 PM

WHy would I want to play with humper's nuts anyway?

Posted by: Ed at August 14, 2005 06:24 AM

This whole thread reminds me of both the Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness and the Worst Manual Contest. Those two sites have some scans of instructions that make 'ress the humper' seem completely intelligible.

Posted by: codeman38 at August 15, 2005 10:18 PM

actually, i'm under the impression that whoever wrote the instructions just forgot the "ca" before the "ress"...

Posted by: real_saddam at August 17, 2005 10:24 AM

try looking up humper on

the first four suggestions are not in the dictionary

this is broken

Posted by: dude face at September 26, 2005 11:58 PM

For some reason, that manual is just plain wrong. Whatt sick person translated that? Crazy Chineese.

Posted by: The Reaper at November 4, 2005 08:19 PM

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